A Blessed Mess

Greenie

Greenie, originally uploaded by rudybeardog.

This is my 45th year and I declared it my Year of the Duck.

Especially Harley

Harley Hogs The Heat, originally uploaded by rudybeardog.

Apparently, my beshert* was a two for one package deal. It was as much my destiny to end up with Harley as it was to end up with Tim. We were simply meant to be.

Please don't think I didn't love Grady with all of my heart because I did. He was a very special cat and I am very blessed that he allowed me to love him and get to know his sweet, sensitive, "still waters run deep" self.

But, in the interest of full disclosure, it's no secret that Harley and I had a very special bond. I know that day will come when I will stop expecting him to jump in my lap and pet me.

*Beshert: Yiddish, meaning "destiny." It it often used in the context of one's divinely foreordained spouse or soulmate, and thus has romantic overtones. Lucky me - my soulmate and my soulcat came together.

Empty Arms, Full Hearts

Tim said it best this morning.  While the passing of Harley and Grady has left a huge void in our lives, they still occupy a huge space in our hearts.

If it should be I grow frail and weak
And pain prevents my peaceful sleep,
The you must do what must be done
When this last battle can't be won.
You will be sad, I understand.
Selfishness might stay your hand.
But on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship take the test.
We've had so many happy years
That what's to come should hold no fears.
You'd not want me to suffer, so
When the time comes, please let me go.
Take me where my needs they'll tend
And stay with me until the end.
Hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know, in time, you too will see
It is a kindness that you do for me.
Although my tail it's last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Do not grieve it should be you
Who must decide this thing to do.
We've been so close, we five, these years...
Don't let your hearts hold too many tears. 

-Author Unknown

Rest In Peace Kitty Loves Of My Life.

We'll meet again . . . 

The Cats That Changed All That

For most of my life, I actually pretended to be highly allergic to cats so I could avoid them completely.  They scared me and I really, really, really did NOT like them.  Then I met Tim and with him came Harley Bear and Grady Boy.  I will never forget the moment, within days of the three of them having moved in, that I exclaimed: "OMG, I totally GET the cat thing now!"

Grady helped my transformation into crazy cat lady even though unlike Harley, I was afraid of him for quite some time.  Watching him literally go ninja on Rudy when they first met, did not help either.  But, once Jen S. told me about "reading the tail" and Grady and I got comfortable together, he proved to be a very kind, gentle, incredibly loving though sensitive cat.  My favorite nickname for him will always be Crouching Tiger, Hidden Housecat.  

When people say that those who don't like cats just haven't met the right one, believe it.  Harley was the right one for me.  I made this silly slide show more than two years ago. Most of the pictures though, I probably took about three years ago when Harley (and Grady and Tim) first moved into my cat-hating life.  As this video will most likely attest, Harley is the cat that changed all that.

On Pets and Passing and Compassion

It is with very heavy hearts that Tim and I have watched the health of BOTH of our beloved cats (ages 15 and 17) decline drastically over the past few months. We know that Harley's kidneys have failed and Grady has some sort of mystery illness for which we have found no diagnosis. No matter how many tests we ran or medicines we tried, Grady and Harley just got thinner and more frail with each passing day. Tim and I have talked to one another, we have talked to the cats' lifelong vet and we have talked to Rudy's vet (who my family has gone to for probably 25 years). 

Max was a Bichon and Rudy’s predecessor. Shortly after he and I moved back home to Nashville and our favorite vet, he got cancer. He was lmost sixteen years old then. When his suffering became too much, my vet and her staff handled every detail with the appropriate measure of deference and kindness. When I think back on Max’s passing, yes, I am sad and miss him terribly but thanks to our vet and her staff, I never regretted for one moment my decision to let him go and restore his peace. Throughout the entire experience with Max, I glimpsed the essence of compassion.

The amount of respect and admiration I have for Rudy’s vet is extensive. Her consideration of the whole animal, extensive knowledge of holistic approaches and apparently fervent continuing education are why I have always trusted her without hesitation. Although she has never treated the cats, we made an appointment to meet with her last week about them while also getting Rudy’s thyroid levels checked (they’re finally right!). 

This vet knows better than anyone about our Rudy’s extra-sensitive nature. It will not come as a surprise to anyone if Rudy has a Prozac-worthy meltdown over the loss of his BFFs and his herd. This awesome vet amazed Tim and me when she suggested we bring Rudy with us when the time comes. 

She has studied about and seen for herself that surviving pets do better when they are there to watch their dying "siblings" take their last breaths. She said the survivor immediately looks away when the dying pet is gone. When the surviving pet gets home, he will grieve just as he would had he not been there. However, by watching his “siblings” pass, the survivor will not look for or wait by the door for his pals. Overall, we agreed that when the time came, Rudy's vet should be the one we call. 

We understand that making "that call" is the kindest, gentlest, most loving and unselfish thing we can do for our pets. That makes it no less difficult or emotional though. Today, we decided that for our cats, the time has come.

Now, here is my rant: 

I am appalled at the lack of empathy & professionalism we got today when we made “that call.” We spoke to two different, new members of the staff and explained why we were calling. We did as we had agreed we would do. The plan was we would call before they left on the day we knew it was time and they would schedule us for the first appointment the next morning. That way, we would not have to sit in a waiting room full of people and pets holding two dying cats and one border collie who will probably be bouncing off the walls by then. This phone call was not a time for this awesome vet’s staff to be insensitive and downright rude. 

It is a disappointment that this experience is not what I had hoped or expected. A seasoned staffer called back at 5:30 and though less than ideal, now we at least have an appointment at 10:30 tomorrow.

Harley Hanging With His BFF

Harley Hanging With His BFF, originally uploaded by rudybeardog.

and vice versa.

Peaceful Grady

Peaceful Grady, originally uploaded by rudybeardog.

I hope his dreams are sweet.

Jib-Jab???

Jib-Jab???, originally uploaded by rudybeardog.

This is a photo of Celia and Simon Cohen - my mother's paternal grandparents. Simon does look a whole look like that Jib-Jab guy though!

Nana

This photo (it's the original too) is of my maternal grandmother when she was a young woman living in New York with her older brother. We're not sure whether this was taken in a studio in Brooklyn or on the Lower East Side but it was one of them.

I inherited this wonderful picture along with other OLD family photos (great grandparents I never knew) from my Aunt Celine who passed away in September. I think she looked like her mother!